More from Hamalama Schlackamaka: CSI Young Investigators!

I understand there is a huge market for YuGiOh! cards and for kids who “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!” and whathaveyou. I get that completely, but when was it okay to start marketing adult television programs towards children? Especially crime-filled bloodfests such as “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”? Hammacher Schlemmer is selling this subsequently bad idea as some kind of new version of the chemistry set. Not only can you too be like “Get-The-Bad-Guy Gil Grissom“, but you can file your own DNA onto little slides and pretend as if deadlines to murder trials are going on… in your backyard!!

“Children learn the basics of forensic science as they extract DNA, analyze inks and synthetic blood, and evaluate hair samples under a microscope. Clear step-by-step instructions are written as if the child were taking part in the investigation, analyzing clues alongside the CSI team members.” - CSI Young Investigator’s DNA Kit description from HS Website.

You know what’s miscalculated from that statement? The fact there are CHILDREN helping with the “Crime Scene Investigation”. We all know this is just going to spout of another terrible TV series that is more “James Bond Jr.” and less “Doogie Howser M.D.”. God, today’s youth and our treatment of those little cretins sickens me.

I say, just hand the kid a scalpel and a book of Oscar Wilde witticisms and tell them to go play “House M.D.”.

Enjoy the finer details over at Hamalamadingdong here!