XKeys: Programmable Keys for the Stupid

The setup that I have for my desktop is getting a bit ridiculous now. What with the webcam that’s propped on top of my monitor to the fancy wireless mouse and the USB cords that tangle along the desk like ivy creeping along some castle’s stately walls; I need help here. However, this doesn’t stop me from adding to the chaos with a stick of keys that, while some might find them useless, they just turn out to be plain damned handy.

PI Engineering makes all those mouse-clicks and keystrokes almost a thing of the past by giving you a stick of keys that you can prop anywhere near your desk, on your monitor or even on the top of your keyboard. (The keyboard they show in the picture on their site looks like something your Mom’s got stashed in her garage. Nowadays, keyboards are a little trickier with how much space they have. Streamlined, ladies and gents.) I have mine neatly adorning my Saitek keyboard, which really looks as if I’ve got the key function for a shuttle launch, not that the keys are simply labeled with “Cut”, “Paste” and “AIM”. Honestly, I just want to be able to turn them into VoodooKeys and smite the innocent. One of these days, just to scare those people who get on my ‘Puter without asking, I’ll put a “Kill Guest” button on the end. It will take people to a website that vehemently states “Quit jacking up my computer, you slimy c*ckface.” and you’ll hear the screams of the innocent embedded in the background.

Anyways, what PI (Not a new rapper, actually a company.) was doing was making larger keyboards for macro use that are meant to be used in workplaces and for more complicated functions, such as graphic design, architechts and web designers. However, they realized that they’re really just peddling to a small section of us folk and decided to put out a stick of keys that the everyman could program and easily use. Well, easy if you consider setting up macros to be easy. Easy if you consider having to write on those tiny damn stickers to be easy. Easy if you consider keeping those sticky pads on the back lodged onto your surfaces without slipping off to be.. well, easy. Truth is, once you get down to it — this isn’t something you need, it’s just something to make it easier to do normal and mundane things. Hell, if you’re so lazy that Ctrl+C is too difficult to manage when you “Cut”, that you need a BUTTON for it?

Take that set of XKeys and beat yourself to death with it.