Apparently, sometime between me going to sleep, and me waking up, we made it to the future. VIA let loose some particularly awesome news at its press conference on Aug. 16. They’ve made an addition to their Eden ULV (Ultra Low Voltage) processor line up, and this one only uses one watt of energy. Now you may say, “That has already been done!” This may be true, but they didn’t have the Eden VIA V4 bus and 21mm x 21mm nanoBGA2 packaging, nor did they run at an astounding 500MHz. Technically it is not the 500MHz that is amazing, but the fact that at that rate, it still consumes only one watt. Now you may all be asking, “But what does it all mean, Justin?” Well I’ll tell you what it means, longer laptop battery life! And everyone knows longer battery life is always good.

I’m about sick and fcuking (spelled incorrectly on purpose, shut up.) tired of all these pillow iPod speakers. Are we serious? Are we masking the fact you can barely hear out of them with the fact it’s buried in six inches of fluff and shag carpeting? Someone tell me who thought up this idea to make every single object in the known world - an iPod speaker, because they need to have their taint removed with a baseball bat that’s covered in nails.

Here, take a look at the more obnoxiously overboard items that people have made in the name of iPod speakers.

Hamalamma Schlingshlong’s iPod Speaker Pillow. We’ve covered their products here before and these people are the true snake oil salesmen. “Oooh, I can listen AND relax? WE COULD NEVER DO THAT UNTIL NOW!!111″. Idiots.

Sega’s iDog and Random iAnimal Products are by far the most obnoxious of the iPod speakers because they don’t serve any purpose other than to terrify you. See that picture? That’s a PISSED OFF iDog. Why? Because he and his kind don’t approve of the Bright Eyes that you’re forcing on it. Knock that gay crap off.

The iCarta iPod Toilet Paper Dispenser is basically created because everyone knows you’re certifiably insane, but you need to do something to give them basis to sign those Institution papers. The iPod COMES WITH EARBUDS, but that’s not good enough for you because you want people to know you’re rocking out to Kelly Clarkson while taking a dump. No, we get it. Totally. You’re right, that makes sense.

Since I have went ahead and shown you the cream of the crop, show me some of the stranger ones you’ve seen and we’ll feature them, possibly even review them in the future. I mean, part of what makes this work so much fun is reviewing products you know will be terrible. What else would I have to bitch about?

 SANTA CLARA, Calif., Aug. 13, 2007 – Continuing with its flurry of delivering quad-core server processors and other products ahead of schedule, Intel Corporation launched two quad-core Intel® Xeon® processors. The new processors boast unprecedented combinations of performance and energy efficiency, along with a pricing strategy to move the enterprise industry to multi-core systems. The new Intel® Xeon® Processors X5365 and L5335 also contain new virtualization capabilities.

Designed for companies running performance-critical server and workstation applications, the Intel Xeon Processor X5365 is the industry’s first 3.0 GHz quad-core processor to fit inside a standard 120 watt power envelope. The X5365 also features front-side bus (FSB) speed of 1333MHz.

With the energy-sipping Intel Xeon Processor L5335, Intel is delivering higher performance quad-core processors designed for servers that require optimal space and power utilization. The processor includes a 2.0 GHz clock speed and 1333MHz FSB within a 50 watt power envelope – or just 12.5 watts per processing core.

“Intel innovation continues to enable us to be the multi-core trailblazer providing a choice of quad-core products for those craving the highest performance, lowest power and all points in between,” said Kirk Skaugen, vice president of Intel’s Digital Enterprise Group, and general manager of the Server Platforms Group. “Moore’s Law, Intel’s silicon design and process technology and the Core microarchitecture are allowing us to deliver even greater levels of end-user value by essentially enabling price parity between dual and quad-core Intel Xeon processors at a given clock frequency, further accelerating quad-core market adoption.

“The processors are ideal for conducting simultaneous design and analysis transactions, improving rendering performance and managing faster analytics for industries such as financial services. Both processors are easily “drop-in” compatible with select existing Intel server platforms.

Using the SPECint_rate_base2006* benchmark, which measures integer throughput, a Fujitsu-Siemens* PRIMERGY RX300 S3 server based on the quad-core Intel Xeon Processor X5365 scored 98.9, setting a new world record¹. Using the SPECjbb™2005* benchmark, a Dell* PowerEdge* 1950 server based on the quad-core Intel® Xeon® Processor X5365 broke the previous record with a score of 238,472 business operations per second¹

.A number of systems vendors are supporting the new processors, including Dell*, Fujitsu Siemens Computers*, HP*, IBM*, SGI*, SuperMicro*, Rackable Systems*, Verari* and more than 40 others.

Enhanced Capabilities
Intel also integrated advanced technology capabilities into the Intel Xeon Processors X5365 and L5335 to streamline virtualization and further improve energy efficiency. In addition to Intel® Virtualization Technology, which increases the efficiency of virtualization solutions and enables 64-bit guest operating system support, the processors also feature new Intel Virtualization Technology processor extensions for improved interrupt handling in virtualization of 32-bit Microsoft Windows* Operating Systems.

As part of Intel’s efforts to ensure that system builders can meet energy efficiency requirements, and end-users can continue to manage their overall energy consumption, these processors include new system-transparent energy smart technology that reduces idle power usage by up to 50 percent.

In addition to including this technology on the new quad-core processors, Intel is driving its entire volume server processor line to take advantage of this new lower idle power utilization.

Price in 1,000 unit quantities (as of Aug. 9, 2007)